Project Management with a Purpose Series Part Four: Managing Projects While Living Fully
In 2010, I was working at Children’s Hospital on a large and stressful construction project when a fellow senior colleague mentioned The Four Agreements, which turned out to be a set of guiding principles for personal growth. I read the associated book and loved it. The strange thing was that I didn’t think I would. This particular colleague and I were very different in our leadership styles. Let’s face it–I didn’t love the guy. Yet on the Four Agreements, we clearly concurred. And after I read the book, our working relationship improved. He went, in my mind from “leader” to “mentor”.
I’ve been following The Four Agreements ever since.
1. Don’t Make Assumptions
Several years ago, during a healthcare project, I told an IT department colleague I had to go take care of a mouse in the CPU. I was actually going to take care of an unwanted rodent in the Child Psychiatric Ward. In his head, I was taking care of a computer mouse on a Computer Processing Unit. Assumptions can be a problem.
You aren’t expected to know everything. But you ARE expected to ask questions. And when you don’t, you’re inadvertently making all sorts of dangerous assumptions, and then moving forward with mistakes, misunderstandings and unnecessary drama. Especially in the construction business. The bottom line? You have to admit when you don’t know something. And that can be hard. If in doubt, try these phrases: “Would you mind drawing me a picture?” or “Can you translate that for me?” or “I’m not familiar with the industry terms yet.”
2. Be Impeccable with Your Word
This is really about three things:
Abstinence. Leaders don’t need to know everything that’s going on. Respect their time. Choose your words carefully. When you’re thinking: “Well, I’m doing the right thing by telling them this. They need to know!” check your authenticity. Don’t play politics. Don’t be that shallow.
Effort. We have 196 different emotions–but we tend to lean on four or five them when relaying information. Anger, frustration and fear are popular. When you’re having an important conversation, don’t get big, get specific. Nuance matters. It takes effort, but using the right words makes a difference.
Clarity. Do what you say you’re going to do. But also be clear about what you’re not going to do. It’s really as simple as that.
3. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Newsflash: Life isn’t actually about you. Nothing is. But egos get in the way every day. Emotion gets all wrapped up in non-emotional things. We must learn to communicate in ways that are less aggressive and defensive, but also not flippant or sarcastic.
If you’re on the giving end of a critical opinion: Always start with a pro and end with a con. Always speak with kindness.
If you’re on the receiving end of a critical reaction to an idea, do your best to listen and let them talk it through. Resist the temptation to defend. Keep quiet. And when they come back full circle to realize the how brilliant your idea actually was, let them take credit.
4. Always Do Your Best
While this common phrase seems fairly performance-oriented, I urge you to step back and think about it differently. Sometimes doing your best is letting others be successful. Sometimes it’s about lifting up others. Figure out what’s needed in the situation and then do your best. And part of your best is sharing gratitude. Don’t forget to say please, thank you and you are welcome. It makes a difference.
